I just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and also watching the movie that Julia Roberts starred in.
I'm not very religious, never have been. I was baptized Roman Catholic (like most Filipinos) at the age of two in the Philippines with a gazillion godparents (who of course, I don't see around anymore). I attended a Catholic private school for ten years and then another four years for high school.
There's so many memories...I remember having to learn and memorize every prayer, short and long, in Spanish or in English. I remember doing the sign of the cross because I was forced to. I remember being in middle school, scraping off chewed gum underneath pews in the church whenever I got into trouble. I remember standing in church, waiting for the priest to start giving away the Body and Blood of Christ because I was starving. I remember having to kneel and stand up, only to kneel and stand up again. I remember my mom yelling at me every Sunday to go to church, and then fighting with her and her calling me the 'Anti-Christ.'I remember going to church with my mom and feeling nauseous every time I went, barely staying in there for a half hour.
And I know, I know. I know that I'm ungrateful and selfish that I can't even spend a half hour in church, praying to God, even though his only son was crucified for my sins.
In my junior year of high school I realized that no, it shouldn't be like this. Maintaining my 'relationship' with God shouldn't be this difficult. I didn't like how every time I prayed to Him, I always wanted something. Whenever I talked to Him, it didn't feel like anyone was listening, especially when times got hard.
I decided to explore different religions, see what else was out there. I was only exposed to Catholicism after all.
My search got so far, even into Wiccan, but still. No answers.
I do believe that there is a Higher being or something that's out there, but do I think they have control over my life or the world?
No. I don't.
I called myself Agnostic for awhile, I remember someone calling it a cop-out.
It did provide me the satisfaction of an identity, but still, here I am, still questioning it. And I think I've come to terms that I'll always question it, because...that's who I am.
Anyway, back to the book. I remember watching the movie a couple months ago, out of curiosity. I enjoyed watching it, so I decided to pick up the book. It took me about 4 days (with breaks in between of course, I decided to take my time with this one) to finish it. It's always interesting to hear about other people's journeys to find God or an answer to some unknown question.
What it really made me want to do was buy a plane ticket to Italy. The only country that I've been to (outside of United States) is the Philippines and the last time I went was when I was sixteen. I stayed about five days in the city (Manila) and then twelve days in my mom's village in the more rural area (San Nicolas, Ilocos Norte). Manila consisted of shopping, Tagalog (which I cannot understand), pollution, and poverty while San Nicolas was consisted of drama, delicious homemade food, Ilocano (which I CAN understand), family, and poverty. Can you tell which location I learned more from?
Barangay 9, San Nicolas, Ilocos Norte 2005
Taken with a disposable camera
My mom went with me and there weren't really cousins around my age who lived there or was visiting the same time as me. Most of my days were spent inside, watching 24 and "Wow Wow Wee" because my mom would never let me go outside alone, I always had some kind of entourage accompanying me.
Recently a very dear person of my family died. After my grandma, who practically raised me since I was a baby, passed away, my Aunty Lucy took care of me. I loved her very much and will always remember her asking me to get her "Bitamin B" (which was code for Budweiser) and reading her Tagalog novels at night. She taught me many things and the last time I saw her was when I visited back in 2005.
When I found out she died, I was at work, I'm sure my coworkers can recall me falling apart and having to go home. My mom, my dad, my aunties, basically all my family knew how close I was to her. I still regret that I was not able to fly up to the Philippines to go to her funeral. I wish I could have seen her before she left. I love you Aunty Lucy.
My aunty with my niece/cousin Nerissa giving me a flower on my birthday.
Don't make fun of my candy cane dress.
I would love to go back, especially since I have grown a deeper appreciation for my culture. I'm hoping to go back with my cousins after I graduate from college.
I promise, I'll document everything.
I do want to make it a point to travel to Europe some day. Maybe next year, during the summer I will travel to Italy and eat everything. We'll see.
One Italian word that stuck to me in the novel was attraversiamo meaning, "Let's cross over."
Gilbert made a good point that it is a great combination of every Italian sound and the meaning is so versatile and can be used in different ways (even though it's ultimate use means let's cross over to the next street).
Attraversiamo.
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